I have been thinking a lot lately about reciprocity, and about how difficult it has become to create the kind of community so many of us say we are missing. This is complicated territory for me, because I was once a very dedicated self-love coach. I grew up in religious extremism, in a world where obligation and self-sacrifice were confused with righteousness, and learning that access to me was my right alone was fundamental to my recovery. I had to learn that I was not respo

There is a kind of labor that disappears almost as soon as it is done. The table is set, food appears, candles are lit, and somehow there are enough chairs. Someone remembered that one person does not eat meat and another needs a ride. New people are introduced so no one stands awkwardly alone, the music feels right, the room is warm, and by the time everyone arrives, it can seem as though the gathering simply came into being on its own. But someone imagined it first. The Mag